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Lobitação

29 November 2024, 19h00

Keywords: poem, wolf, fursona, identity.

• Lobitação

• Venerated form in which I inhabit as I create you me
• Holier than the oils and the baptisms are these musks
• that exhale from your secrets, mighty quintessence,
• calling out in me all that you don’t exist me as you still exist me.
• 
  
• Venerated form in which I wolf as I create you me
• When in empty canvas I find you, there I inhabit
• Because when you come to be, in me there are all the barks
• I want to howl me, for I love you and I love myself more in you.
• 
  
• I want to howl me, for I love you and I love myself more in you.
• In each art annihilation and creation succeed one another
• I create, I choose me, when I fatefully bark you,
• Venerated form in which I wolf as I create you me

(Poem originally written in Portuguese. The weird use of object pronouns makes more sense in the original but I didn't want to just remove them as they were a huge part of what I was doing with the language in these verses.)

Earlier today I was finishing a commission for a friend which involves our sonas engaging in sinful acts. Slowly painting our sonas, together in an intimate yet intense act, I thought about a lot of things. Among them the most important one is that I noticed that, when I paint my sona, I really feel like I’m painting myself. Also, portraying it being penetrated intensely by a being which represents an intense sexuality and, simultaneously, a friend, I felt love for my sona and for the fact I’m able to express in it feelings that I then affirm in myself.

I spoke a bit with other friends about this feeling. The desire to be a wolf is something I found within myself years ago and I have a good bunch of memories that involve imagining the freedom of being naked in the woods, running and barking and peeing all around, or simply wanting to have a tail or look at the Full Moon and loudly howl at it in public. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the people I got together with have treated me as a wolf without me even needing to ask. These people had an important role in making me understand that this is fundamentally important to me.

From there on, I started to feel a sense of euphoria as I painted another simpler drawing of my sona. Thinking about these things, I remembered a drawing that I made in which I expressed similar things: a piece, which I put at the beginning of this post, in which my sona is inserted in a Venn diagram.

Then I decided to write a poem and ended up with the one up top.